- THE WEEKEND EDITION
- Introducing the Friday music column
BY RYAN WERNER
This is my first weekly music column, wherein UPENDER editor T.C. Porter is basically letting me write whatever I want, and I test this freedom immediately.
For fans of shred, diligent practice with a metronome, alternative fashion, and obnoxious facial expressions while invoking the Phrygian mode.
“Steve Vai – For The Love Of God Cover By Richie Allan”
While soloing, Richie Allan looks pretty satisfied with certain smells in the room, possibly from his giant, vinyl Ibanez tapestry.
“Steve Vai The Riddle”
Can you do a Steve Vai cover without owning a Steve Vai guitar? Disgusting pile of cables on the futon.
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“Steve Vai – For The Love of God (Backing Track)”
Holy shit, is there really that much sitar in this? The arguing about modal theory in the comments is excessive.
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“Eugene’s Trick Bag – Crossroads”
I forgot how much Steve Vai sometimes looks like a girl in a grindcore band that I’d like to bang.
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“Vhanto – Windows to the soul (Steve vai cover)”
It’s really a shame that he saved all of the photoshopped flames for the last three seconds of the video.
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“【STEVE VAI】 Hot Guitar lick PART2”
Vai is dressed in a doily from a gay bar for robots. He’s talking about “gravity.” This video is long.
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“Winter NAMM 2012 – Steve Vai, Paul Gilbert, Randy Jackson – What It Is And What Should Never Be”
It’s like Led Zeppelin with double of everything, including bassists. The best part is that you can barely hear it.
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“Steve Vai – Taurus Bulba – Guitar performance by Cesar Huesca”
This dude looks like me if I got dressed out of Ricky from Trailer Park Boys’s closet ten years ago.
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“Steve Vai & Billy Sheehan – Shy Boy”
This could be a trailer for a documentary about two indie wrestlers trying to remake Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
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“”All About Eve” – Steve Vai New DVD Clip”
Nobody told Shirtless Drummer this is an acoustic song. The violinist dude with my aunt’s sassy 1996 haircut is pissed.
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“(Full Song) Steve Vai – Weeping China Doll (2012) (Album: The Story Of Light)”
This song is a lot better if I pretend it’s actually entrance music for a Japanese wrestler with facial scars.
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“steve vai (dyin’ day) covered by hiro926”
I wish Anal Cunt was still around to write the song “You Make People Call You By Your YouTube Username.”
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“Steve Vai Blowfish”
I just realized I stole the main riff in this song in 2012 after hearing it twice back in 1999.
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“[Alcatrazz] feat. Steve Vai – Power Live 1985 – Suffer Me – Kojo No Tsuki – Night Games”
Vai’s wearing the same shirt he wore in Crossroads except inverted. He is, incredibly, the third best-dressed person on stage.
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“Steve Vai – Música Inédita – 08/12/2013”
Paul Stanley as inspirational band teacher. Vai says all women’s secret fantasy is to play guitar, is a general creep.
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“Steve Vai interview 1990”
The DJ clearly made it about ten seconds into the first song on the tape and then said, “Fuck this.”
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“Steve Vai – Christmas Time Is Here”
The session piano player probably cried into the dozens of dollars he got paid for this. I’m glad I’m Jewish.
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“STEVE VAI: Gravity Storm – Live in Singapore 2014”
This is apparently a newer Steve Vai song. Take a guess as to what it sounds like. Also: hoodie dress.
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“autumn in nepal – Steve Vai”
Someone in the comments said “its alan parsons project” which is kinda funny and not too far off the mark.
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“Steve Vai Vs Slash Vs Zakk Wylde”
This is a fucking nightmare and I’m literally just typing words now until I get to twenty words words words.
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